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Wednesday February 8th 2023

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Children Are Complete RIGHT NOW

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Children Are Complete RIGHT NOW

By Linda Dobson


Your children are not only complete, but stunningly unique.

In our culture, we generally treat children as less than whole. When you step outside this imposed cultural box, though, this treatment appears a rather egotistical attitude on the part of adults. We behave as if children need this, that, and a good dose of the other thing – from us, of course – before we can take them as seriously as we take our friends, coworkers, and other adult acquaintances.

See Who Your Children Really Are

“Think in terms of child/person,” explains Lillian Jones, still living the learning lifestyle in California, even as her homeschooled son has moved on to college and work. “Children are not in training to be persons, but they are people already.” What a difference this change in viewpoint can make in the lives of our children!

First, it allows us to see who they really are, not who we are hoping to “make,” or even “help,” them become. It stops us dead in our tracks if we begin to act as the creator who can mold and sculpt until we make a product we like. Seeing children as complete allows us to respect who they are, and we know that children who live with respect learn respect. In this way we feed their subconscious with messages of acceptance and love that negate any  messages they receive to the contrary. In this way they develop a sense of self-created responsibility for what they say and do, and this leads to the mature thought and action that will guide them safely to and through and independence.

All Children Are Unique

In addition, in explaining “flow” as Harvard Professor Mihaly Csikezentmihalyi reminds us, “The findings of science may have hopeful things to say to each of us. In the first place, they make us increasingly aware of how unique each person is. Not only in the particular way the ingredients of the genetic code have been combined, yielding instructions for developing unprecedented physical and mental traits. But also unique in the time and the place in which this particular organism has been set to encounter life. Because an individual becomes a person only within a physical, social, and cultural context, when and where we happen to be born defines a single coordinate of existence that no one else shares.”

Your children are not only complete, but stunningly unique! Allow this view to permeate every interaction with your offspring, and watch the results!

Help Others Understand Children Are Complete

It’s a good idea to share this thinking outside the box with the other adults who populate your child’s life. Communicate with your children’s teachers (if applicable), in a non-adversarial manner, of course. Use that time during parent-teacher conferences, schedule a meeting, write a letter, send an e-mail, or make a phone call (the first two options are best as they allow for face-to-face discussion). Explain you want them on your team of influential adults in the lives of your children who are making their academic success a top priority, are viewing – and therefore treating – your child in a different manner. (Of course when the teachers do so, they will also do it for all the children in the classrooms and benefit everyone.)

See also Is Your Child Dis-eased By School Attendance?

Do the same with other adults – grandparents, soccer coach, and the neighbor whose lawn your children mow. The  maturity that people recognize in homeschooled children doesn’t derive from special textbooks or accelerated classes. It grows from daily living with the same respect we parents give our fellow adults.

Mutual respect can transform a less-than-perfect relationship with your children, too. Once you accept them as already complete, you will find that the time and energy you used to spend trying to coax, help, or otherwise encourage them to become something different, you can now use in a more positive way, encouraging and supporting all that your children already are.

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