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Teachers Share Phrases They Think Should Be Allowed In the Classroom

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Teachers Share Phrases They Think Should

Be Allowed In the Classroom

By Linda Dobson

I’d never heard of this teachers‘ resource before, but I’m certainly going to remember it now.

Claiming to be “the largest network of teachers in the world,” this London-based organization says of itself:

TSL Education is dedicated to driving up standards in education. We achieve this by putting the right teachers in the right jobs and giving teachers all the tools they need to develop in their career and to deliver the very best lessons.

We also work with schools to increase efficiency and help teachers share their best ideas and practices which, in turn helps them save time and money, so that they can concentrate on inspiring and teaching students to the very best of their abilities.

TES online

With over 1.5 million members spread across 196 countries, we are the largest network of teachers in the world. We have over 3 million unique visitors every month and 50 million page views.

TES is home to more than 88,000 teaching resources developed by teachers for teachers. A resource is downloaded every two seconds from TES and each resource saves teachers an average of 30 minutes preparation time. A staggering half a billion hours of prep time has already been taken out of the system.

My visit to TES online took me to a page that shows what some primary teachers are doing with the “saved” half a billion hours of prep time. Here, the teachers answered the question: “What phrases do you have to bite your lip and stop yourself from saying in the classroom?” I find it fascinating that they’re banking on the relative anonymity of user names and had no hesitation making their answers public. In the interest of the parent/teacher partnership we hear so much about, I figured it would benefit the parents to read a small selection of their answers right here. Oh, but first a word of caution. If foul language upsets you, it’s best to go read any of the other posts on this blog. They don’t consist of phrases teachers think should be shared in the classroom.


ManYelling teachers

No sh*t Sherlock!

Please try to understand before one of us dies.

I’ve found some of the hardest phrases to bite back come at Parents’ Evening, usually after a comment along the lines of ‘I can’t understand why he/she is not in top group/MENSA/Gifted and Talented groups’ etc. I struggle not to explain genetic inheritance or mention that apples don’t often fall far from the tree…..

What part of “Shut the f*** up” don’t you understand?

I don’t blame him for hitting you.  I’d be tempted, in his position.

I’m not your Mother!

I’m not interested in when your birthday is.

You can’t be in the Gazelles group because you’re too thick. You’re going to be a Warthog for the rest of the year, I’m afraid.

See also “Homeschooling Parent Responds to Disney’s Teacher of the Year

Homeschooling Parent Responds to Disney’s Teacher of the Year

One of my colleagues uses the following response to ‘I don’t get it!’  She simply smiles and says ‘ahh, well you wouldn’t!’

I am often sorely tempted by “C’mon, there are amoebae in ponds that have grasped this.”

I prefer to take innocuous sounding phrases and twist them into insults, e.g.: “Can you be helped?”

“Why don’t you just grow the F*ck up” is one I’d love to say to some staff members!!!

I love this thread! I am literally crying with laughter!

Get the f**k out of my room! Stop moaning, I need to do my marking!

“I couldn’t give a sh*t.”

Just add 10. Stop counting on your bl***y fingers!

‘For F***’s sake. Can you really be THAT thick?’

‘for the last f****** time, sit down, shut the f*** up, and do what i asked you to do without whinging [sic] like a 2 year old!’

I don’t give a cr*p what happened at lunch time! Tell the dinner ladies!

GO AWAY and bother someone else.

I would love to use ‘Dry your eyes Princess.’

‘…oh thank you. I don’t know how I got through university without your help.’

Said it last week. ‘If you carry on like that, we won’t have to worry about your GCSE grade.’ ‘ ‘Why Miss?’ ‘Because you’ll be dead so you won’t count in the statistics.’

Oh! I am cryin laughin at all these comments Brilliant!!

If you ask me again if you can “go toilet” I’m going to “go loony bin”.

Always tempted by Tell someone who cares and can you just get the f*** out to play so I can get a cup of tea

“You think your bored? Try teaching the 3x tables for the 80th time this term THEN tell me your bored!!!!” ” …. I cannot express much i DO NOT care what your goldfish did at the weekend” “ITS ADDING UP NOT BLOODY ROCKET SCIENCE!” and the classic “If you fail to bring you PE kit in one more time i will ACTUALLY tie you to the monkey bars…AND LEAVE YOU THERE!!!”

‘If you were twice as clever you still wouldn’t be a full wit’

Have said in the past, “Oh for God’s sake, monkeys learn faster than you!”

I have used this before, child was too thick to realise he had been insulted! Child: “Sorry, mother!” Me: “That’s impossible, dear. I’m married.”

The phrase I and many others would want to use everyday is ” Thank goodness you are Home Educated in an environment where you are loved and understood and have the freedom to grow without ridicule ! ”

As a Secondary School Supply Teacher I often get asked ‘You hate me don’t you??’ after handing out a detention.  I smile and say ‘no of course not’  What I actually want to say is ”Hate is a very strong emotion and I actually don’t feel that much about you!!’

Perhaps My Favorite Phrase Teachers Share

I don’t care what your bloody mother says, I’m in charge here!




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